03.13.23 in the field

the speaker at the Starbucks drive-thru: “how are you doing today?”
my mind, completely out of nowhere: gradually working my way back to an ecstasy of pure knowing.
me outloud, now giggling while trying not to giggle: “good. You?”
after ordering and waiting in line I’m still laughing: “she probably thought I’m high.” More giggling. “I think I am high.” Laughing. Trying to stop laughing. Which makes me laugh even harder. “I’m laughing at my own joke.” Laughing harder. Turning my face up to the invisible ethers of non-physical energy: “I’m laughing at your joke,” Laughing even harder because I’m talking to nothing. And then laughing even harder because that’s an even funnier joke. Then trying not to laugh, and laughing even more for it..
Why is this funny?
Because pure joy.
Pulling up to the window, completely unable at this point to rein it in. I must have a disability. Even funnier.
Me, between laughing:: “I’m so sorry, I swear I’m not high.”
Yes you are.
Oh my god.
More compounding.
Her: “That’s okay, I wish I was in that good a mood!”
“I just thought of something funny as I pulled up and now the harder I try to stop laughing, the harder I laugh.”
She takes my card and says, looking curious and as if she wants to ask what the joke is. Be in on it. “Is it, is it like an inside joke?”
I start laughing even harder, “Oh my gosh, yes!” I hadn’t thought of that. “In fact, that’s what makes it so funny, exactly, It’s an inside joke.”
She really does look like she wants to be in on the joke, as she hands me my things and I pointlessly keep trying to stop laughing, while laughing so hard now that I’m crying and my stomach hurts. The pure, unintended stupid hilarity of the moment is too much.
“Thank you, thank you, take care,” I say as I prepare to drive away.
“I hope the rest of your day goes as well as this,”
“Have a good day, too,” I say inanely as we so often do,
I plan to have the rest of my life go as well as this.
It really is as stupidly simple as that.
Do I sound crazy?
Well, I guess I am.

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